Isn't quite working. I'll be honest, I'm a wreck this morning. I want to know my little babe is still there, growing and thriving. I want to feel SOMETHING.
And yes, I realize just how early it still is. I don't need to hear that. I don't want to POAS for the extreme fear of seeing a neg. I'm at the point right now where I won't POAS until Wednesday before my beta.
But that means no confirmation until Wednesday. And I feel like I might just crash in a huge pit of emotions before then. Like maybe in the next 5 minutes.
I need some peace. I need some closure. I need some answers.
I'm struggling today. Still trying to stick to my goal of being "hopeful", but I'll admit - it's next to impossible sometimes.
I want this baby. Please, God?
7 comments:
I will pray specifically for peace in the midst of the chaos of your emotions. I totally understand why you are feeling the way you are and it is justified- NOT crazy. May God work a miracle in your heart by granting your patience, perseverance and peace as you wait these next few days. Hang in there friend!
I will be praying for peace, too! I'm sure it is nearly impossible to hold off those fears that creep in when you have no symptoms. HUG! I don't think it's crazy for you to go back and forth between being hopeful and worried- I haven't done IVF yet, but I sure have done that during my IUI cycles!!
PS. I am a testing fraidy-cat for fear of the bfn, too. You're not alone!
I'm so sorry that the time is going by slowly and is driving you crazy. I've been praying for peace for you like crazy. Still am! Love you, honey.
Praying for your heart, Heather. This is one of the hardest times in the TTC journey. Hugs!
HUGS! I will join the praying for peace group too! It's hard to wait and not know, so we understand. Keep trying, or as they told Nemo, just keep swimming! :-)
I guess my advice would be to try and accept whatever you are feeling for what it is. All of these feelings are normal. I know it's nice to "stay positive" but really... if you don't stay positive and the result is not what you wanted- does that mean it is your fault? Of course not! There are powers beyond our control that are steering this course for you. Of course it is nice to be positive because generally, it's always more pleasant to be positive and feel good than the other way around. But I for one don't really believe it impacts the outcome. And I think it is far better to be accepting of yourself than to beat yourself up for not feeling the way that you or others think you "should" feel. You feel what you feel and that is all there is. So try to do more nice things for yourself, like your lunch with friends. That is important.
I never wanted to test at home for the same reasons. I was really impressed with your courage for doing it every day the last time!
Take care Heather, I'll be thinking of you
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