Slowly, those month after month of failure feelings are creeping back in. Not constantly and I'm pushing them away as hard as I can, but I've started checking for spotting, convinced I'm feeling crampy, etc, etc.
Now I know I'm on enough progesterone to more than likely keep me from bleeding anyway, but I can't help it. This is the way it's always gone. I've ALWAYS ended up with bleeding, cramps and disappointment. And the realist in me says "Why should this be any different?"
But the hope and the faith are fighting with everything in me. They keep reminding me that God is holding these precious babies in His hands, and that is the best place they can be. And the little bit of faith and hope I still have are keeping me holding on. Lifting these babies in prayer. Loving them fiercely with all my heart and soul. And refusing to give up on them.
So bring on the optimism ladies - I want to be filled with the hope and glory of these miracles long before I accept or assume defeat. My babies deserve that from me, and I will not let them down.
11 comments:
Keep your head up. He has a plan... lets hope this is your time! Fingers & toes crossed!
Take heart that this is completely normal. You are reaching that stage in the 2ww that you are starting to doubt yourself and your plan. I completely understand. A couple of days after my transfer, I had a breakdown which resulted in tears and sadness that I had never known. This too shall pass. ((hugs)) Try to remain positive and know that you are on the right path to meet your baby (babies).
This IS different, Heather! You are PUPO - you had babies placed inside of you to grow, which is different from any other months of TTC. Don't be discouraged! We're praying for you all!
Keep the hope and prayers alive!!! I had exactly the same feelings you are going through and checked constantly for signs of blood- which could be implantation bleeding as are the cramps.
This is different!!! I went though 13+ years of disappoint only to be blessed this time with twins that are currently 28+ weeks in my womb thanks to the miracle of embryo adoption. I still have doubts and fears at this stage!!! Feel free to check out my blog to read more!!!
Hugs!!!
JensAdoptionBlessings.blogspot.com
What you are feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL! Give yourself the freedom to feel whatever you feel. Go to the bathroom and check as often as you like. I have been there- actually got sucked into it again this cycle even though we are now on an adoption journey. I find the feeling of relief at no spotting helps me to relax. You can't help being anxious and fearful.
But also take some time to dream some beautiful dreams of your babies. Imagine they both make it. Will they be boys, girls, or one of each? Will you find out the gender in advance? What will you name them? Picture yourself pushing a double stroller down the street, waving hi to your neighbors, who will ooh and aah over their incredible cuteness! Think about relaxing on the sofa with your husband, each of you holding a sleeping baby in your arms, talking quietly and planning your happy, happy future. Wishing you peace and comfort in the dream of your future family.
You are by far one of the strongest women I "know." After years and years of failed pregnancies...God will NOT let this one fail. Take heart that those babies are in His hands and He will love on them until the you can hold them in your hands...and then He will continue to love them even after that!
Chin up hun. :)
We are all here for you. This is totally normal and Im staying positive for you :)
HUGS
You made the most important statement already. "THESE ARE GODS BABIES" and he wants the best for them. He wants them to live.
I prayed (AND STILL AM)over my belly constantly. I do the SAME THING-check constantly for bleeding etc..
Our God is the God of miracles and life. May God bless you and those sweet ones inside & ease your mind. It's all GOOD!
Wishing--hoping---praying for you!!!
Heather, I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and you have so many people praying for these babies to stick around to see the wonderful life they have ahead for them w/you and Rodney!
Love you girl. Praying for you to hang in there.
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