I didn't think I'd be here. It hurts.
9dt6dt and another negative F.irst R.esponse test. I didn't think that was going to happen...
As much as I knew this whole thing was not a guarantee, my hopes have been up so high. Now my beta is tomorrow and I still have absolutely no indication on those tests that I might be pregnant.
Right before I got up to pee this morning, I had a dream that I had already gotten up, peed and had a positive test - digital and FR. I woke up elated and was sure this was going to be the morning. Nope.
My heart is aching. I'm now officially to the "I'm-scared-this-didn't-work-crying-in-bed-hoping-and praying-I'm-somehow-one-of-those-small-chances-I'm-still-pregnant-but-reality-is-setting-in" phase.
I know my God is big and my God can do anything, but I'm still scared. Because in believing He can do anything and He is in control, I also have to believe (and I do, with all my heart), that He can choose to take these babies home to heaven before they live here on earth.
And if He does, I know it will be the most incredible place for them to be. But I will miss them so terribly.
And yet, He could choose to just be working slowly, and maybe, just maybe a miracle is headed my way tomorrow.
But it seems like it would be quite a miracle if my HCG isn't high enough to register a positive test on a 25mIU test yet...
Trying to stay positive, but really hurting this morning...I know you girls can understand that. My heart aches for my babies, and the tears just want to flow. I know, I'm a bag of contradictions and paradoxes these days...hopefully someday I'll feel like myself on a regular basis again.
"God is close to the broken-hearted; He saves those crushed in spirit". - Psalm 24:18
God, thank you for being close to me when it matters most. I need you, Lord. I need You.
19 comments:
I'm so sorry dear.
I am thinking of you and hoping or good news tomorrow. ((hugs))
Sending prayers and love your way Heather. (((hugs))) to you dear friend.
So very sorry Heather. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Praying for good news tomorrow. {{{HUGS}}}
(((hugs))) I'm praying you get good news tomorrow!
My thoughts are with you.
Thinking and praying for you sweetie. (((HUGS)))
Heather, all hope is not lost! A good friend of mine (she did FET with donated embies too) got BFNs days 6, 7 and 8 but a BFP on day 9. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy this past year. So it is very possible that you could be pg and it not be detected on an HPT yet. Praying so hard that this is the case for you!!!!!
Heather, I am so sorry that you haven't gotten a positive yet. I really believed this would be it for you, those embryos just looked so amazingly perfect. And they still might be doing just fine, maybe they took some extra time to implant. I really, really, really hope and pray this is the case. Take good care of yourself. Much love, Tara
What time is your beta? Praying praying praying praying praying praying praying praying... Well, you get the idea. Love ya.
Praying for your heart, Sweet Friend! And that our big God would do His thing. Love to you!
((((Heather)))), Praying for a miracle tomorrow.
-RJMB from HP
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. (((HUGS))) and prayers to you
Hugs sweetie! just remember its not over until that blood test tomorrow! I'm praying that test was wrong. I wish I had the words to make you feel better, I know your heartache and feel of loss.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and I so hope you get your
BFP tomorrow!
Thinking and praying for you Heather. Sending you lots of hugs.
I've been thinking about you all weekend. I hope tomorrow brings the news you've been praying for. (((((HUGS)))))
Saying special prayers for you Heather!
Im saying prayers to God tonight to please let you and your husband have your wish. You are a strong woman, in faith and in body. God Bless and "be still and know that I am God". Good luck sweetie!!
Crying with you and praying for a miracle tomorrow!!!!! hugs!
Oh Heather this is so hard for you, I know! (I've been there!) This is such a difficult journey, with the most extreme highs and lows! I'm praying it will be a high for you on Monday!
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